Love Hurts..... :(

So, how many of us have had someone we have a lot of feelings for, but when you get mad you put on that hard shell? Even though, you hurt so much inside and want everything to be alright, you just don't want to look weak. Well, that's me! I have to be the one that always has the last word, and my favorite thing to tell somebody is I don't need you, when that is not always the case. I will sit and not call and act like I don't care, when deep inside I'm hoping he will think of me and call. Just sitting there dying inside hoping he is thinking about you as much as you are thinking of him. I'm so stubborn I know, but I feel that in the past I have opened up too much and it got me nowhere but hurt. I know it sounds bad that I decided to take what happened in the past and let it be the reason I am the way I am, but I can't help it; I don't want to get hurt. So, from now on do I let my guard down and risk it or be prepared? I'm just really confused.

Boys... Boys... Boys

Isn't it crazy how when your with someone you can't seem to get the "others" to stop beggin? Well, there is Tremaine, Desman, Dwayne, Mario, the irrelevant ones, and my ex honey James. All named with the exception of Desman are my ex's. Tremaine and Dwayne are friends and always have been, I started talking to Dwayne when Tremaine went away to college a few years ago. Mario came along when things started going south with me and Dwayne. Desman is a new one; he's not as fine as James, but he got swag and that's so sexy to me. James and I have been going through a lot and I am now single for my own personal reasons, he is not where I want him to be and it hurts like Hell, but I refuse to lower my standards because you're sexy, good in bed, spends money on me, and tells me I'm beautiful every chance he gets. That all sounds good, but I feel like I'm in a relationship by myself, and that's not going to fly. Tremaine is a sweet heart, Dwayne is just forever my best friend and boo, Desman's new, but James is my love. I think about this guy all the time. I don't know what else to say but I love him! Maybe he'll come around...Who knows? But, until then I'll keep my options open.

What's Love Gotta Do With It?

So, earlier in my blogging I mentioned how my boyfriend and I had got into it bad, and how since then, we have fixed things for the better. Well, things have kind of been on a slippery slope since then. Let me first start off by saying he's 28, which means he has ways that can and will not change. This is kind of a bad situation because there are things that I want that he simply can't adjust to due to the fact he has grown into the person he is probably going to be for the rest of his life. And, this really leaves me in a hard place because I'm in love with someone that I expect certain things from that is likely not going to change. What do I do? Maybe leave it alone? No, because you can't just drop in and out of love with someone that you really feel you're supposed to be with. One of my cousins (who is my part time counsler lol) told me something that has stuck with me for a long time now, she said you can't change people, you just have to change your expectations of them. This makes so much sense, but the only downfall is I too have grown to want certain things, so it's not easy to just stop wanting the things you've always had; it's possible just terribly hard. I'll bare with him for as long as I can, but my question is when does it end?

Too Much Going ON!!!!!!!

These past two weeks have been so hectic! I don’t know why the last weeks of school have so much work. I have been doing so much, I feel as though my head is going to explode. I have two finals, a presentation that happened today, and a major paper due Friday, I have to go to the writing center for my Writing and Rhetoric class, and on top of all that I have to clean my room so that I can be out by Sunday. Can someone please tell me why this is so difficult! I think the UC should at least give us a week after classes to clean and pack. I mean they want it spotless in each room, but we have other stuff we have to also take care of! It sucks, but you got to do what you got to do. Good thing next semester I’ll not only not be staying here, but I’ll only have classes Monday and Wednesday. That’s the best decision I’ve ever made! lol